The title of this blog is the same as the title of a small journal I kept while on vacation last week. I love that advice and was drawn to the journal because it features words about being by the sea, such as “At the beach, life is different.  Time doesn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.”  (author unknown)

I had been missing the ocean that surrounds Cape Cod, and so that is where we vacationed. We took along two dear friends, Debbie and John, and planned the trip to coincide with my sister, Rosalie, and her family’s travels so that it could be a family reunion, as well.  In addition, two of our cousins who own condos on the Cape, also joined us for dinner one night – I had not seen them for more than 10 years, and it took months of planning to coordinate our visit.

In my journal I recorded daily experiences, including eating Cape Cod foods like clam “chowda” and fried clams and fresh lobster cooked many ways.  I also wrote about the events and places we went, including a special Monday night meal that I cooked for a family gathering that was meaningful and enjoyable. Here’s my entry:

Italian Night Reunion- The Family Is Alive and Well!

Our menu included stuffed mushroom appetizers with three different fillings; several types of cheeses and crackers;  broccoli salad, fresh tomato and cuke salad, 5 pounds of Grandma’s Meatballs in marinara sauce over 2 pounds of spaghetti; amaretto vanilla, dark chocolate and festive cupcakes with three different icings, chocolate chip bars, wine, beer, soft drinks, coffee and tea.  A feast!!  Just the kind I like!

We gathered 14 of us around two tables in the cottage; each sat 6 and we set up two “TV tables/trays” for John and Al who graciously agreed to the arrangement.  We ate, drank, laughed, ate some more, drank some more, and, finally, the kids peeled away to the upstairs area leaving a table of adults to tell stories, and share remembrances. 

Our mood is affected by this place, this proximity to the shore; another quote in my journal extolls that “The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul.” 

The party’s over and I sit now with my thoughts, reflecting on the memories which linger in the dark quiet while above me on the second floor sleep our roommate/friends,  and next to me sleeps my spouse.  Memories of our special evening, our toasts to “famiglia”, to “reunion”, to “good health”, to “friendship” linger.  Voices from the past, smiles exchanged, and recollections of our parents, our aunts and uncles, all linger in my mind.

Their faces, once so young and innocent, are now a bit weathered and lined.  My cousins have lived through the losses of loved ones – their parents, cousins, aunts and uncles –   as well as the loss of vitality as illness made a stake in their lives.  They have recovered, and they have been resilient.  Theirs are among the faces and smiles I’ll remember when I think of this week. My cousins.  My family.  My peers.  Goodnight, dear friends.  Goodnight, sweet family.  Sleep tight and dream a little dream for me.

Whenever I have spent time at the beach, it always helps me slow down, and slow the world down so that I can be renewed and recharge my “batteries” – some of my most creative moments have come while at the beach.  Another quote from the journal affirms that for me, written by James Carroll, who declares, “There are times when we stop and sit still… we listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper.” I love that about the beach!

The beach is my getaway, my place to be replenished; what’s yours?  And, more importantly, do you go there often enough?  Finding what brings us joy and going there is essential to our good health, our state of mind, and our spiritual needs.  The journal includes a quote from Alec Waugh: “You can fall in love at first sight with a place as well as a person.”  Have you found a place you love?  Do you take the time to visit it as often as possible?

I highly recommend a vacation on Cape Cod; it’s a beautiful area, with quaint shops, abundant beaches, restaurants to whet every appetite, and a serenity that is limitless.  Best times to go depend on what you want to experience:  if it’s sunny hot days you require, then go during the summer months of June, July or August; if it’s a cooler, fragrant climate you seek, then the spring months of April or May are for you; if it’s an even cooler daytime temperature that begs a sweater, and crisp nights to snuggle by a fire are what you are after, then go in September, or October. And if you seek a quiet, solitude then know that winter holds a special magic on the Cape.  The beaches can be walked for long distances without encountering many other people, and there’s always a friendly neighborhood coffee shop, or lunch spot, that are open and will welcome you and warm you.  The Cape is friendly year round.  Trust me on this – even the stormy weather holds pleasure as you feel the full force of Nature’s energy, and witness a display of wind, waves and tides that can literally take your breath away.  Awesome experiences to be had during winter.  You can do what some other friends have chosen during Thanksgiving: they take the ferry to Martha’s Vineyard and spend the weekend in a quaint hotel where they live like the locals who call it home year-round.

Wherever you go, whatever place is your special retreat, go often.  Indulge yourself as much as you can.  Your soul will thank you, and your heart will be happy. Joy will be found and treasured so that when you come home again, the world will look a little more hopeful to you, and your life will be a bit more lilting and light.  Go in peace.  Just go.

The post Find What Brings You Joy and Go There appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

My little dog Winky and I have witnessed several bike riding lessons, beginning with one that occurred on the grassy knolls of the hill that is the center of our shared properties; the Dad had wisely chosen that terrain so that when his daughter inevitably fell off, she would be hitting soft grassy ground, rather than unforgiving concrete.  She took several rides down the hill while he held on to her bike seat;  the Dad retrieved her and the fallen bike, and they would begin again from the top of the hill.  Then, last Sunday morning, the Dad went with her for a ride on the sidewalk while her Mom, younger brother (riding his own small bike) and the family dog followed behind for support as they all focused on her ability to stay upright and steady.  The Dad at first trotted along, one hand on the back of her bike seat, and then quietly removed his steadying hand and off she went!  Proudly, she rode along the walk, and then we heard her laugh outloud, the sound of pure joy, as she realized that she was under her own power.  The Mom began to clap, the Dad, beaming, shouted spontaneously “Just like that!” with the universal posture of winning, both arms up over his head in jubilation, and the girl kept laughing.  Winky and I were transfixed as we stood and watched this celebration.  I smiled all the way home, just remembering the sound of her laughter.

We have had less exposure to our neighbors’ son mastering how to drive; we’ve only seen him getting in the car with his dad seated on the passenger side, and then backing out of the driveway into the street and driving away.  We have heard a few of the Dad’s comments such as “Be careful!” and seen the son’s facial reaction, a mix of seriousness and exasperation.  These few observations have brought me back to recall my own driving lessons with my cigar-chomping father seated next to me, yelling instructions, gripping the grab bar up over the passenger door, and sitting upright in a tense posture.  It took only two of these rides for my Dad to abruptly declare to my Mom, “I think she better take the Drivers’ Ed classes at school.”

My neighbor is a more patient driving instructor than my Dad was; he seems relatively calm and composed and he and his son often come home after a lesson to play a game of Frisbee together, smiling often at one another as they exchange that floating disc that seems to have a mind of its own.

What do these passages represent? They are like so many other rituals we go through – timeless and ageless and bound to a significant transformative experience.   Rituals help us recognize our continual rebirth experiences by helping us enact the “hero’s journey” with symbolism, and celebrate the turning points, milestones, and other landmarks of our personal life journeys.  Just like street signs help orient us to our physical location, rituals create emotional markers that help orient us to our current stage of life, adding color and texture to our personal narrative.

Perhaps someday that little girl and that young man will tell these stories to their own children and maybe their grandchildren, and the circle of life will be complete.  That’s the way history becomes lore, and our legacies are made.

The post Learning to Ride a Bike and Drive a Car appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

“About once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light.  These people can be in any walk of life.  They seem deeply good.  They listen well.  They make you feel funny and valued.  You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude.  They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.

When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: it occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that.  I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.

A few years ago I realized that I wanted to be a bit more like those people.  I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul.  I was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness.  I was going to have to be better at balancing my life.

It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues.  The resume virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace.  The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral – whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful.  Were you capable of deep love?

We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the resume ones.  But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light.  Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.

But if you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured.  You lack a moral vocabulary.  It is easy to slip into a self-satisfied moral mediocrity. You grade yourself on a forgiving curve.  You figure as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be O.K.  But you live with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys.  Gradually, a humiliating gap opens between your actual self and your desired self, between you and those incandescent souls you sometimes meet.”

Adding Balance

If you want to add more balance to your virtues, you will need to consider how and with whom you spend your time.  There are, after all, only 24 hours in each day; what you do with that time is up to you, so it’s your daily choice to decide.  A few years ago, I downsized my career from a 40 hour week to a 30 hour week, and, eventually, a few years later, to a 20 hour work week.

I examined my life and saw that my grandkids were only going to be small for a short number of years, and if I intended to be more than a portrait on a wall to them, I wanted to spend more time with them playing, talking, reading to them, traveling together, and becoming a familiar figure in their lives.  I also saw that a dear friend of mine, a woman named Mary, who had just retired at the age of 83 because of failing health, needed me and I wanted to be with her as often as I could before she left this earth.

It was a big decision and one that I never regretted making.  I resigned from my job, took another one that allowed me to work 30 hours, and began spending time with those darling grandkids and my sweet friend.  I made so many wonderful memories, it pleases me to just remember all the meaningful conversations and fun adventures of the heart that I had with them.

When Mary passed away, I was at her side on many of her final days, even though she seemed not to be consciously aware of who was in her room; I believe that she felt me there, and felt my presence and my love for her as I gently supported her departure on her own terms.  Knowing that hearing is the last sense to go, I whispered into her ear, and told her how much I loved her, how much she had meant to me, and how she had done a great job as a mom, a colleague and a close friend.

When I recently attended the high school graduation of my oldest grandchild, I marveled at how this 6 foot tall young man had once been that little five year-old boy who played an imaginary game he created that we called “in the ocean” under the covers of a bedspread in a hotel where we spent a fun weekend.  I recalled our morning breakfasts over tea, and how that shared ritual remains one of our favorite things today.

At the end of your life, will you be proud and happy for the memories you created with the ones you love?  Or will you feel sad and regret not having taken the time to do the things that truly matter to you? It’s not too late to make a change – think about the legacy you wish to leave, and begin now to craft it. You won’t be sorry!  You’ll be contented when you look back and smile at all the joy and pride you feel.

The post It’s Never Too Late to Balance Eulogy vs Resume Virtues appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

FIRST, Music alleviates physical, mental and emotional suffering – Music can calm anxiety, ease pain and provide a pleasant diversion during chemotherapy or a hospital stay.  Patients who listened to music before a procedure had a reduced need for sedatives.  Those who listened to music in the recovery room lowered the use of opioid painkillers.

Music therapy improves symptoms and social functioning among schizophrenics, and music helps the human brain afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.  The local Palladium concert hall here in Carmel, IN has a wonderful program called “Perfect Harmony” that brings cognitive, emotional and social skill benefits through client’s intentional engagement with music.

SECOND, Music Aids Grief and Grieving

The night my mother died, a nurse brought in a small radio tuned to quiet classical music and placed it on the pillows near her ears; she knew that our sense of hearing is the last to go when we are dying.  The music soothed us both, as I held my mom’s hand, whispered in her ear, thanking her for being my wonderful mom, and her breathing gradually stopped.

There are special choirs, called Threshold Choirs, (we have one in Indy) whose purpose is to sing “lullabies to the ill and dying” to bring comfort and peace.  They use a special collection of songs written just for them as their song book.  I love the Choir’s motto:   “Kindness made audible.”

THIRD, Music Builds Community

At many churches in our area, we are fortunate to have wonderful bands of musicians who are a central part of every service.  Research shows that music builds social connection and brings people closer together; it offsets the isolation that can be a part of growing old, and provides a feeling of unity and companionship.  Music fellowship is good for our health!…   So in honor of  all musicians, please join me in reading this prayer…

a special “Prayer for Musicians…

Oh, Lord, please bless this music that it might glorify your Presence.

May the talent that you have bestowed upon me be used only to serve You.

Let this music be a witness to your majesty and love, and

remind us that You are with us in song, and in quiet.

May your loving grace and beauty be found in every note,

and may the words that are sung reach our hearts so we

will draw closer to You.

May Your Spirit guide us through every measure so that

we might be the instruments of your peace, and our music

transform our minds, heal our bodies and expand our hearts.

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One: Music helps us appreciate our mortality without being morbid.

Music helps us adapt to the reality that death comes to everyone. Song lyrics can bring comfort, as well as the melodies of our favorite pieces of music.  Hearing music that has been enjoyed by generations before us brings a reassuring appreciation of our own place in humanity’s story.

Music has the power to transport us back in time and it can trigger memories that make us feel safe, secure and soothed.  Live music is especially powerful and resonates in our bodies, bringing an added dimension to the experience by taking a moment in time and transforming it into something magical and extraordinary.

Two: Music alleviates physical, mental and emotional suffering.

Music affects the physical body by reducing heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels. Music can be used before surgical procedures to lower anxiety and reduce the need for sedatives. Playing music in the operating room produces less discomfort during surgery, and music played in the recovery room lowers the use of painkillers.

Listening to music is an effective treatment for mental health issues.  I know from professional experience working with clients in alcohol and drug abuse treatment programs that music and meditation are a potent combination that helps reduce physical pain and emotional distress.

Music can add to the quality of life for those with Alzheimer’s by helping them manage their emotions, focus their attention, increase awareness, and adapt to their environment. Popular songs from the forties and fifties, semi-classical, Latin rhythms, and New Age music are all soothing to those suffering with Alzheimer’s or dementia. The effects seem to last for several hours afterward and include improved mood, increased socialization, better appetite, and reduced agitation.

Music therapy can also help people recovering from a stroke or traumatic brain injury that has damaged the part of the left-brain responsible for speech. You may remember seeing video of Gabby Giffords’ recuperation using this technique after she was shot in the head at close range. (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/w_MindBodyNews/gabby-giffords-finding-voice-music-therapy/story

Three: Music gives people the strength to go on when life is challenging.

When we face a serious illness, or when this happens to someone we love, music can bring a great deal of comfort.  It can help us acknowledge our painful feelings, distract us from our depressing thoughts, and console us, giving us strength to go on. Music doesn’t abandon us during our times of greatest need for emotional comfort.

When someone dies, music is often associated with them and their importance in our lives.  Hearing certain songs can carry us into memory states that bring poignant happiness and, eventually, into a more peaceful acceptance of our loss. This is one reason why music has always been part of funeral services; it brings the deceased’s memory to all who hear it and we often feel the deceased’s presence through music.

Four: Music can shut the world out, uplift our senses and invite our creativity.

There are times when music, and other forms of art, completely grasps our attention and shuts out the world around us.  We lose all sense of time. Music takes over, and transports us to a place where we are absorbed in the musical experience.

Sketching portraits does this for me; I think of time spent with my art as high play, where the creative part of myself is fully engaged.  The net effect of music and other forms of art serves to recharge our emotional batteries, remove tiredness, and affirm the beauty of life, and to allow us to be in the world, but not of the world.

 Five: Music alleviates grief and grieving.

The night my mother died, I drove home from the hospital under a sky that was a blanket of deep blue with bright shining stars overhead.  As I looked up at them, I wondered if she were in the heavens, and pondered what a full life she had led.

About two weeks after the funeral, I was given a tape of music with beautiful lyrics and music from a friend that matched my sense of wonderment.  This collection of music, so lovingly organized, helped me in my grieving process, and felt very special to me, comforting and reassuring. I didn’t feel so alone in my grief, and I had music to remind me that there is order and sense to be found in life, death, and grieving.

There are120 special choirs, called Threshold Choirs, in the U.S. and in the world, whose purpose is to sing lullabies to the ill and dying. As they point out, “The human voice as the original instrument, is a true and gracious vehicle for compassion and comfort.”  Their songbook is a special collection written just for the purpose of bringing comfort and peace.  You may be pleased to learn that Indianapolis has one of these Choirs and their soothing music eases the transition between life and death and brings a sense of completion and transcendence.  (www.thresholdchoir.org)

Six: Music builds community and a sense of connectedness with others.

Music connects us with our history and cultural traditions, and brings us closer together. In my studies to become a Life Cycle Celebrant, I was taught that music plays a central role in diverse rites of passage, rituals and celebrations.  It is a part of every religion; sacred music takes many forms, such as chants, hymns, and prayers set to music.  My personal favorites are harp and cello music; their sounds are so hauntingly beautiful and they bring people deeper into prayer, quiet, and peacefulness, perfect for a funeral or at the bedside of someone dying, or at any time when we want to feel close to creation and to the universe.

Music shared in a group experience opens the door to a new world of emotions, and gives insights into the collective thoughts and feelings we may have as a generation. During crises and other difficult circumstances, music provides relief and consolation; it brings new hope and new strength; and enables us to see new possibilities.  Towards that end, my private practice is hosting a musical concert “Music for the Soul – Celebrating Life, Facing Death” featuring musician and folk singer, Bill Cohen.  It will be held at St Paul’s Episcopal Church at 6050 N. Meridian Street in Indianapolis.  To learn more go to http://elainevoci.com/concert/

The post Music and Mortality: Six Ways That Music Heals Us appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

When I dream of spring during winter, I dream of days like this, when hope feels close to my heart and a new fresh start dances on the horizons.  This poem by Margaret Hillert, titled And Suddenly Spring, really captures my sensual experience:

The winds of March were sleeping.

I hardly felt a thing.

The trees were standing quietly.

It didn’t seem like spring.

Then suddenly the winds awoke,

And raced across the sky.

They bumped right into April.

Splashing springtime in my eye.

The resilience of the earth, the way that it renews itself again and again, is an amazement to me, and so reassuring.  No one has to do anything; Mother Nature does it for herself.  The earth knows when it is time to start the renewal process and it brings a sense of hope and new beginnings.

Not everyone loves spring.  Over the years, during my work as a counselor and coach, I have known many sad people who suffered when spring came.  They found the idea of starting anew almost too hard to bear.  It takes energy to embrace spring and the changes it signals; for anyone depressed, it can be a burden to endure another spring, another new start, and to face the challenge of renewal.  It can be a shock to discover, if you are a happy and outgoing person, that the rate of suicide is highest in spring. It’s not Christmas time that carries that distinction, as so many believe.  It’s April.

For those persons, mental health counselors seek to find help in the form of physicians to prescribe antidepressants, counseling groups to give support, mentors to provide guidance and companionship, while lending their own good listening skills and empathy to help restore that springtime desire to embrace the world.

Dreams of spring continue to blossom in my heart and my imagination; I dream of planting flowers and herbs.  I dream of sitting on a screened porch sipping a cup of tea or coffee.  I dream of lazy summer days that last long.  I dream of warm breezes, bright blue skies, and ripe red tomatoes.  This is my spring.  My world.  My joy.

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“My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The luster and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn’t you say you were a believer? Didn’t you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn’t you ask for grace? Don’t you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.”

Author: Clarissa Pinkola Estes is an American poet, post-trauma specialist, Jungian psychoanalyst, and author of Women Who Run With the Wolves.

The post We Were Made for These Times! appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

One of the ways we can help ensure ourselves of a happy old age is build self-compassion. In people who have learned self-compassion, studies have shown them to have less anxiety and depression, increased psychological strengths and positive emotions, a greater ability to forgive, and an increased ability to navigate difficult life events. Since our lives consist of successes and failures, self-compassion gives us a “soft place” to land each time we fall. It puts our mistakes and failures in perspective.

I learned this firsthand last January when my husband had a bad fall and broke both large bones in his left leg below the knee, along with multiple fractures of the small bones around his ankle. In an instant, he went from being independent and working each day to being someone in need of 24 hour care every day. He came home, after 3 days in the hospital following surgery that took 6 hours to repair his shattered leg, to days spent in a wheelchair, with a place on the couch to sleep, watch TV, and keep his left leg elevated continuously. The months that ensued were instructive for my soul, and gave me a depth of understanding of the challenges of caregiving. I would love to be able to say that I knew enough to love myself from the start of this long journey of recuperation, but it took me almost eight weeks before I was able to admit that I needed help, and support and a community of people that I could talk to, reach out to, and be helped by.

I had to learn to love the fool in me – the one who acts alone too much, talks too much, hurts and gets hurt, laughs and cries. In other words, I had to acknowledge that I am a work in progress and that I need other people and don’t have to be strong by myself, but can be strong by “leaning on others.”

The four practices of self-compassion gradually played out in my caregiving life…
1. Learn to recognize your own suffering. Once I saw myself clearly causing my own suffering by denying myself the ability to ask for help, I could begin building a support system that would help me get through a challenging period of caregiving.

2. Respond to your own suffering with kindness. I knew that my close friends would never talk to me with harsh judgments or criticism; they would treat me with gentleness, kindness and caring. I had to begin treating myself like that, and once I began doing so, the world seemed to shift and I let myself relax into my role as a caregiver without becoming brittle and resentful.

3. Understand that you don’t suffer in isolation. Compassion counteracts the critical harsh things I said to myself, and the isolation it tended to bring about. I began to see my common shared humanity in the interconnectedness and interdependence I had with others. Various friends told me about times in their own lives when they went through the same emotions and challenges I faced. I realized that I was not alone, nor did I have to be. Once I started allowing people to help me, I discovered that many friends wanted to be helpful, would bring lunch and eat it with us, and help give us support and love that fed our souls, not just our bodies.

4. Cultivate a practice of mindfulness. By being aware, making choices, acting on my values, I could create a helpful question that would guide my actions. The question was simple: how did I want to feel about myself once my caregiving crisis was over? Did I want to be able to look back and feel proud of how I behaved toward my spouse and myself? Did I do my work with a good attitude? Did I speak with kindness? Did I find humor in my mistakes? Was I able to laugh at myself? Would I be able to be happy with my memories and feel grateful for the many blessings I received during my struggles?

The Best Gift of All
By focusing on my inner wisdom, and coping more effectively and mindfully with change, worry and stresses associated with my challenging circumstances, I grew spiritually and emotionally. I became a better person. What was really the best gift of all – to love myself unconditionally in order to be a more loving and compassionate human being.

Peace be with you in this season of Light and Love.

The post The Gift of Self-Compassion appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

At first, it was thought that the crew had immediately perished, but then scientists revealed that the seven astronauts had actually remained alive for the 65,000-foot fall into the ocean. Think about that – they knew they had only five minutes left to live. What must have gone through their minds? Did they go through a life review? How did they take stock of the meaning of their lives?

A few years after, a Jewish Rabbi, Kenneth Berger, delivered a sermon on Yom Kippur on September 16, 1986, focused on the horrific accident and titled his homage, “Five Minutes to Live.” In his remarks, he likened the astronauts to Jews called to High Holy Days to engage in a soul searching process called “heshbon ha-nefesh” (Hebrew for taking stock of one’s soul).

With tragic irony, not quite three years later, he himself was on a flight to Chicago from a family vacation in Denver, when the plane’s tail engine exploded and crippled the controls, and for 40 minutes, the passengers prepared for a crash landing. The Rabbi’s wife, Aviva, fainted from the shock; the Rabbi reached across the seats to hold the hands of two of his three children, Avigail (then 16) and son Jonathan (9 years old) and tried to reassure them. The plane burst into flames after it hit the ground in Sioux City, Iowa, killing 112 people, including the Rabbi and his wife, both in their early 40’s.

Ken’s brother Samuel, and his wife Trisanne, stepped in to care for the orphaned children after their parent’s death. The middle child, Ilana, then 13, had been at camp at the time of the crash. Avigail was in a month-long coma from her injuries while Jonathan suffered lesser injuries. Samuel found the text for “Five Minutes to Live” while cleaning out his brother’s office, and eventually Avigail laminated it and placed it in a jewelry box for safekeeping.

The eloquent and prophetic sermon has taken on a public life of its own as many other Rabbis have quoted from it in tribute to its powerful sentiments; parts of the sermon have been included in a book on grief and healing, while twice in the past two years, a Rabbi in Florida has referred to it in a collection of online essays. One was on the 30th anniversary of the Challenger tragedy, while another was the mysterious disappearance of a Malaysia Airline flight in 2014 over the Indian Ocean. The sermon has achieved an eerie kind of immortality.

What are we to learn from this most poignant and memorable sermon? That ordinary people too often forget to express love for their family members, blindly assuming that there will always be another day. The thematic sense of “if only I”… returns again and again when we understand that life can be over before we realize it. It can happen at age 5, 15, or 55. No one is promised tomorrow, and that is why today is considered a gift. Are you living life in such a way that you are going to leave a legacy of love, kindness and compassion?

We don’t know how long our time on this earth will be; some say that our life is God’s gift to us, while what we make of our life is our gift to God. Surely, being cognizant of how impermanent life is can lead us to live our lives fully. Acknowledging and accepting death can help us celebrate the mystery, beauty and wonder of life.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I want to share with you the exciting news that I am hosting a concert called “Music for the Soul: Celebrating Life, Facing Death” featuring Bill Cohen, a popular singer and musician from the Columbus, Ohio area on Sunday, April 30, 2017 from 3:00 pm – 4:30 pm at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Indianapolis, IN. All of the songs chosen will make you smile, laugh and shed a tear; none are morbid or melancholy and the concert will not include theological proselytizing. It will help remind us not to take life for granted – and not to forget that our time is limited.

The sooner we accept our own mortality and the inevitability of death, the sooner we can embrace living fully and completely. I hope you and your loved ones will join me for this special event that promises to be uplifting from beginning to end. $10 at the door, and “two for one” available for caregivers accompanying a disabled attendee.

The post Life Lessons from ‘Five Minutes to Live’ appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.

As he witnessed the beautiful blue Earth floating freely in the vastness of deep space, he became immersed in a profound awareness of universal connectedness – what he later described as a “samadhi experience” (a state of intense concentration achieved through meditation). In his own words, “The presence of divinity became almost palpable, and I knew that life in the universe was not just an accident based on random processes. . . .The knowledge came to me directly.” He saw Earth in a new way – a place where there were no separate nations, no war, no hatred, no divisions of any kind—simply one incredibly beautiful world of which humanity was a part.

That awakening brought about a new life purpose; following his retirement from the Navy and the Apollo program in 1973, Mitchell dedicated his life’s work to “… broaden knowledge of the nature and potentials of mind and consciousness and to apply that knowledge to the enhancement of human well-being and the quality of life on the planet.” He created a nonprofit organization which he named the Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS) to conduct scientific and scholarly research on the nature of consciousness and its role in the physical world using tools from neurosciences, cognitive and personal psychology, computer science, engineering, and physics.

The word Noetic has its roots in the Greek word, noesis, which refers to inner wisdom, direct knowing or subjective understanding. (It is not a new subject; for centuries philosophers, from Plato on, used the term to refer to various insights, illuminations, and revelations that were somewhat elusive to describe yet carried an uncommon authority.) The word Sciences, of course, refers to systems of knowledge acquired through observation, experimentation, and replication, to describe and explain natural phenomena in the world. And the combined term Noetic Sciences defines a multidisciplinary practice that brings objective scientific tools, methods and techniques together with subjective inner knowing in order to explore, for example, the implications of mindfulness, intuition, psychic abilities, distant and energy healing to the expansion of human potential and universal connectedness.

When Mitchell, the sixth man to walk on the moon, died earlier this year, tributes poured into the Institute from across the world. He was remembered as a brilliant scientist, a compassionate mentor, an amazing bridge between science and art, and an evolutionary visionary whose Institute has contributed to the wisdom stream of human consciousness. Here are a few of the clinical studies and educational programs the world has received from IONS as described on their site:

1. Compassionate Intention, Prayer and Distant Healing- begun in 2006 and now completed, the study produced a unique DVD self-paced learning program featuring a blend of scientists, global healers and other healing professionals who are exploring the frontiers of consciousness and healing by addressing the widespread practice of distant healing.
2. Consciousness and Healing – started in 2006, the completed study identified barriers to the integration of mind-body medicine into modern healthcare, as well as an exploration of strategies used by leading healthcare professionals who have successfully integrated consciousness-based approaches into medical education settings. A book by the same title is available with a DVD from IONS.
3. End of Life Care – an e-learning course that responds to the question, ‘Where does our consciousness go when we die?’ The online program is directed toward both health and healing professionals and life-long learners; it delves into a fascinating, but often marginalized topic, with empirical rigor, drawing on ancient beliefs in reincarnation and after-life states as well as cross- disciplinary and cross-cultural research. During 2008-09 footage was compiled and the program is currently being finalized for release later this year.
4. Conscious Aging workshops – field-tested over four years across a broad range of practitioners and settings, the eight facilitated sessions of the program are specifically for seniors who are ready to embrace the final third of their life journey. The workshop is designed to shift participants’ consciousness from self-limitation, lack, isolation and fear toward expansiveness, wholeness, connection and compassion by listening to one’s inner wisdom, integrating inspirational ideas, sharing in intimate conversation circles and harvesting the collective wisdom of the group.

Edgar Mitchell’s founding of IONS established the goal of creating a shift in consciousness worldwide—to help people recognize that we are all part of an interconnected whole and to inspire them to take action to help humanity and the planet thrive. His loving legacy, and his spirit of diligent exploration of the noetic sciences, endures through the ongoing research and educational activities of the Institute. To learn more about the vast array of resources available, visit noetic.org.

The post What are Noetic Sciences and Why Do They Matter? appeared first on Elaine Voci Life Coaching.